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By Austin Dowling Modern high performance work cultures have remarkably effective ways of rewarding ambition. Work harder, take on more responsibility, produce results, build influence — and the rewards can be substantial. Money, status, intellectual challenge, access and the satisfaction of becoming exceptionally good at something difficult. But success creates its own dilemma: the longer you play the game, the more expensive it can become — and the less often anyone asks wh

By Austin Dowling Commercial law has a fairly simple business model: it takes highly capable people, sells their time and expertise at a premium, and rewards them for giving more of both. This isn't necessarily a criticism. It's one of the reasons the profession can be intellectually stimulating, financially rewarding and genuinely exciting. But it creates a dilemma that lawyers don't always acknowledge clearly enough: the qualities that help you succeed in law can also make

There's a curious quirk of human psychology that underpins one of the biggest blind spots we face in life, yet almost nobody talks about it. Once you see it, you start noticing it everywhere. We instinctively assume that the right decision shouldn't hurt. If changing careers fills us with anxiety, if ending a relationship leaves us grieving, or if setting a long-overdue boundary feels strangely miserable, we quietly conclude we've probably made a mistake. Good decisions, we r

Most seasoned New York professionals have weathered constant change throughout their careers. But even for this resilient crowd, the...

Invited as a guest on Chapter X with M ichael Kay, I discuss the vital role of self-reflection in finding fulfillment in retirement....

By Austin Dowling There is a peculiar disappointment that can arrive after we get what we wanted. We build the career, develop the skill, raise the children, achieve the goal—and instead of feeling satisfied, we find ourselves wondering: Is this it? That vague sense of disappointment is a common prompt that pushes mature adults into psychotherapy. Confusion often follows when we have dedicated ourselves to a goal—pursuing a career, mastering a skill, or delivering our childr

By Austin Dowling Spiritual Intelligence: The Missing Intelligence We Rarely Talk About You may have noticed the term spiritual intelligence appearing more frequently in recent years. Before you assume this is an invitation to dust off incense, join a monastery, or start speaking exclusively in inspirational Instagram quotes, relax. It isn't. There is a growing body of research suggesting that cultivating spiritual intelligence can support happier, more fulfilling lives—not b

By Austin Dowling So you’ve just reconnected with your former mentor who has offered you a role in his new Series-C funded startup. You weren’t really planning a career move, you’re secure in your current role and you have a reasonable runway for progression where you are. Still, the opportunity to build a team from the ground and implement the creative ideas you’ve long stifled is, well, seductive. So you wake up before dawn with your inner monologue debating the pros and

Did you ever get what you wanted, only to realize it wasn’t what you wanted? Here are 5 tips to turn disillusionment into productive growth

By AustinDowlingPsychotherapy@gmail.com Dating is a rough sport. A friend recently likened it to donning gladiatorial armor and stepping out into the arena. By that rationale, I suggested, the ability to spot an emotionally unavailable partner before the first drink is downed will save you countless hours and untold misery. The thought came back into my mind as I was listening to Taylor’s TTPD, an album all about compulsive attraction to partners who are unwilling or unabl

By Austin Dowling "If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?" …well sorta, there are easier paths to queer self-esteem... We hear it every week as RuPaul's Drag Race draws to a close. I hear it often from clients in therapy, queer and straight alike. The idea that self-love is a prerequisite for loving others has firmly slipped into the zeitgeist. And there is much wisdom in that. After all, our relationships with others are inherently bound u

By Austin Dowling When we're dealing with difficult family dynamics, one of the most important questions isn't how to change other people—it's how to protect ourselves. How do we limit our exposure to relationships that leave us feeling repeatedly hurt, guilty or emotionally exhausted, while still navigating the complicated reality that these are the people who raised us? When we're dealing with difficult family dynamics, one of the most important questions isn't how to chang

The most significant area that Pop Psychology tends to ignore isthe epidemic of loneliness. The desire to have meaningful, enriching human c

Queer youth experience a series of low-key traumas that arise just by living in a heteronormative world. These low-key experiences are...

By Austin Dowling AustinDowlingPsychotherapy@Gmail.com If you look back on your life, chances are you'll find periods when you felt particularly energized, fulfilled, or successful. Interestingly, clients we work with in therapy often discover that these weren't necessarily the easiest chapters of their lives. What they did have, however, was a clear sense of direction. They knew what they were working toward and, more importantly, why they were doing it. There is a growing b

When we establish a boundary, we are changing how we participate in a relationship, and these changes can trigger emotions like grief, doubt

By Austin Dowling A friend recently started work as an executive at a large global tech company. During induction he was told to forget everything he had learned in his previous career. The only culture worth anything was this company's culture, and the only skills that mattered from now on were the ones it valued. (Nothing says "welcome aboard" quite like a professionally managed identity crisis.) He called me after just three days, questioning whether he'd made the right mo

By Austin Dowling You’ve probably heard the saying: we can’t change the past, but we can forgive ourselves and create a better future. It sounds comforting. The problem is that almost nobody tells us how. Why is it so difficult to cut ourselves some slack? Why do we find it easier to extend compassion to other people than to ourselves? Years ago, I ran group counseling sessions in a community clinic for people recovering from addiction. These were individuals who had confront

For many of us, anxiety is a constant presence. You know the pattern, you’re already worried about the presentation, the relationship,...